The Curse of Correspondence
You can't always get what you want and even when you get what you want, you might be unknowingly applying a curse on those you love.
Tonight is the sixth game in my tenure as the FantasyPros correspondent covering the Edmonton Oilers. They play the Toronto Maple Leafs - the team that demonstrates how little Canada cares about the English plural rules. Toronto is favored and I struggle to see how my beloved Oilers will pull it out given that I am still their correspondent and that they are 0-5 since I took over reporting duties.
We sorted the teams among those writing and when I weighed in, someone had already taken Edmonton. This was fine, my brain told me, because the Kirby Curse is real no matter how many World Series the Cubs won in 2016. I suspect that is the only exception the sports deities will grant me so I should have resisted offering my backup services to Michael should he need to miss a game or two.
Instead, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, Michael traded me Edmonton for Anaheim. I said it “made my day.” Somewhere, a hockey god giggled.
Because, my friends, Edmonton has been eating ice for the past five games and even if “eating ice” isn’t an actual phrase, I’m making it one. The results of this Christmas-colored graph reminding me of the exact moment I took over reporting duties is almost offensive, really, compared to the rest of their season.
The Tri-Narratives
Highlights of this five-game losing streak include:
The Five-Minute Major Penalty
I learned what a “five-minute major” is when Connor McDavid received one which led to THREE Los Angeles Kings (also on my coverage list) power-play goals. Because a five-minute major is such a grievous act that (a) McDavid was ejected from the game and (b) the Kings could score as many goals as they wanted to during the penalty. Other power plays end when the team with the power scores. But this was like opening up an all-you-can-eat buffet in the backroom at the marijuana dispensary.
Stuart Skinner
On November 18 (we call them the Before Times), Stuart Skinner saved 46 of 47 shots to pick up the win in a shootout against Winnipeg. He seemed like a bit of a Golden Boy replacement to save Edmonton from wheeling and dealing to get this year’s version of Marc-Andre Fleury. (Ha! I didn’t even have to look up that spelling!) He has started twice since I attached my name to them, giving up seven goals total and looking…. like a soon-to-be AHL goalie. He is still the better choice to back up Mike Smith (didn’t have to look that one up either!) when Smith finally gets back from injury. He won’t, though. Why would we when we have…
Mikko Koskinen
The goalie about whom Twitter tweets “Making easy saves look hard since 2018.” We in this household find ourselves often yelling at poor Mikko, questioning why he is doing most of what he is doing as though I didn’t just learn what a five-minute major was two weeks ago and know anything about professional net-minding. But I think we saw it coming and then, finally, it happened. Koskinen botched a behind-the-net redirection which allowed the Carolina Hurricanes an empty-net goal even though he was still on the ice.
I just showed this to Carrie who yelled in my ear that “MAYBE HE SHOULD LET THE OTHERS PLAY THE PUCK AND HE SHOULD PLAY HIS POSITION IN FRONT OF THE NET!”
We are now nine minutes from the opening face-off and I’ve decided that if the Oilers pull an 0-fer on their seven game homestand, I will beg Michael to take them off my hands and never again will I write an official fantasy word about them.
As it stands, since I am a professional fantasy hockey writer, I would just like to recommend that perhaps you find other goalies to fill your space until we have some sort of competence reappear in Edmonton or until I give up the Oilers beat, whichever comes first.
Other Quick Thoughts
Go get as many Vegas Knights (also my coverage and seemingly unstoppable since I started covering them) and Anaheim Ducks (five games this week) you can get your hands on.
Minnesota Wild are +1200 to win the Stanley Cup and though they are flawed (and though I live in Minnesota), that seems quite low for how they are playing.
The final team on my correspondent assignment is the San Jose Sharks, a team about whom I am completely unenthused. They’re like the Texas Rangers in baseball. I would forget they existed if I didn’t need to keep my professional eye on Tomas Hertl.
I’m going to buy a Max Pacioretty jersey because my goodness is he a stud for the Underwater Basketweavers.