Learning To Spell Vasilevskiy
We didn't play hockey in Iowa
I recently began writing about fantasy hockey for Fantasy Pros and I was immediately grateful the “sample” they asked for was not an audio of me pronouncing hockey names.
These are not for the faint of heart. These are not for the faint of vowels, either. And if you have a son named Connor who does not play hockey, please hit me up on Twitter (@kellykirby41) because I am pretty sure all Connors - by law - have to end up in the NHL.
When I had to memorize the AP stylebook for my journalism degree, there was no section on Finnish names. Teuvo Teravainen scored my first night on the news desk and I panicked. Who else did I need to discuss in that article? Antti Raanta.
Ethan Bear plays on the same team. I thought I could find a way to change the story to one about his zero-interest stat line. Not one to shy away from a challenge, though, I dove right in and swam around in the land where grammar rules go to die.
And speaking of grammar rules, welcome to my newsletter! I’m calling it the Wonky Weekly because I am committing to one newsletter a week for sure with the possibility of more. I am hoping to find the mix of fantasy analysis and fantasy sports and storytelling that could appeal to the millions of people who don’t play fantasy hockey and who have no idea what PIM or TOI mean.
Last night, the Oilers (my team) won a thrilling 5-4 victory over the Blues (not my team) with Kailer Yamamoto scoring the game winner approximately 45 seconds after I said, “I don’t like Yamamoto on the ice in this spot” out loud. This served as a good reminder that I know nothing about effective rotations or, y’know, anything other than the joy of Connor McDavid being the greatest hockey player alive and Leon Draisaitl currently performing better than him.
I also felt an extra level of desire to win for some reason - a weird sensation for a hockey game in November. It only took until they panned through the crowd and I saw a St. Louis Cardinals hat that I realized my disdain for St. Louis sports is apparently universal. I then looked at my fantasy squad - the all-powerful Underwater Basketweavers - and realized I had only one Blues player on the roster. Our subconscious biases are strong.
The Basketweavers, my first foray into fantasy hockey, did top 700 points for the week, becoming the first team in the league to achieve such a feat. Most of this is due to my first round draft pick of Alex Ovechkin - a man I would have been in high school with - who took over fourth place in the all-time goals list and, at this pace, should pass Jaromir Jagr before 2022. He also did this:
Is he my new favorite player? Not even a question. Thank goodness he doesn’t play for St. Louis.
Thanks for reading, everyone! Have a great week!
And just a reminder - this is the most insane goal you will probably ever see.
